This isn't going to be a post about the things I do before bed; the cleanser I use, the lotions and potions I put on my face to prevent (or repair) the wrinkles, the designer lingerie I wear (not).
This is actually a post about my favorite time of day; the bedtime routine I do with my nine year old daughter. Tonight was hilarious. While the routine is always the same, what happens in between is magic. I'll underline the parts that are "routine" so you can see how exact the routine is.. even the words we exchange with each other are the same each time.
Every night, I struggle to get my daughter into bed and settled in without jumping up to do a impromptu skit, or a last minute spaz flip into the bed.. (8 or 9 times)
When she is finally in bed, I say, "Okay, 5 minutes starts now."
"No wait Mom, we're not in position!" We need to spoon first.
"Okay then, get into position quick or I am starting the 5 mintues anyways"
My daughter talks through the steps as if the Space Shuttle is taking off from NASA.
"Knees up! Butt out! Arm Wrapped! Lock and Load" This is the coziest feeling in the world. I know this won't last forever.
"Okay, 5 minutes starts now," I say again.
"Hey Mom? I just have one thing to ask you..." It's a delay tactic. We chat for a few minutes.
She rips a fart. My dog has been farting up the room all night and I am gassed out already.
"STOP!"
"Mom, that's mean!"
"What do you mean, 'that's mean?" We are spooning and you are farting on me!"
"I couldn't help it. It popped out."
"Popped out?" (I am laughing but still kind of mad) "That's not true. You always push them out. You need to learn how to control your farts honey!"
"Mom's know how to control their farts but I am a kid and kids fart. Still. You could have been nicer about it and said, 'can you please stop farting?' rather than yelling, 'STOP!"
"Oh Jeeze. Okay, there are 3 minutes left on the 5 minutes" I remember we are trying to sleep.
"Mom! I said, 'Pause 5 minutes!'"
"No you didn't!. Okay, 5 Minutes starts now."
"Ohhh Grandma's cookin a pie in the oven!" She wiggles her butt. "I think it's ready to come out! Five. Four. Three. Two. One!! Ding Ding Ding!!" She acts as if she is going to force another fart out.
"STOOOOPPPP!" Oh my god, my daughter is too funny! She has the most random sense of humor.
I am laughing hysterically.
I remind myself that now 20 minutes have passed and continue with our ritual:
"Okay, 5 minutes are up." I pause on cue.
"Two more minutes" My daughter says. I don't know when we started it but it's always 5 minutes and then 2 minutes. Sometimes there is talking in between.
The 2 minutes pass and I get out of bed.
"Hey Mamma? I just have one question..." Yep this is part of the routine too. Another delay tactic. But she is drowsy now, so it's short.
I am not sure when this next part of the routine was added but now it's a must.
"Okay Mom, Flatten out the blankets... no, really flatten them out" Oh no, she got the obsessive gene from my husband. "And, then come around the bed and give me a hug."
"Okay, good night honey. I love you!" I give her a kiss and another hug good night.
"Good Night Mom... If I need ya, I get ya!"
" Always sweetie. Good night!"
Come on! What could be better than snuggling with your daughter who is sweet and funny and farts on you?
Someday I will miss this routine!
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